September 27, 2012

Hello, I Love You

Won't you tell me your name?


Maaaaybe I'll have some 'nana...

You really should try a pill bottle-turned custom rattle.  
They are quite delicious.

If I can hold it, I can eat it.

Share?

Pretty?


Lens?

Siiiiigh... Will you do something funny soon?

...like.... TICKLE MY FEET AAHHHHHHHH!

You silly lady.

You're funny. 

Uh, excuse me?  I'm nekked here.

Don't tell Mom I can read even though I can't walk yet.

It'll blow the whole plan.


Home Therapy

The following items are my feelings about things:

  • Dining room - LOVE it, and not just because I've never had a dining room before.  Who DOESN'T love bay windows?!
  • Kitchen - warming up to it.  The size and shape is a little unfortunate, and the color of the tile makes my eyeballs bleed, but I'll get there.  I'll learn to like it soon enough.
  • Refrigerator - HAAAAATE.  "Gently used" my @$$.  NOTHING fits properly.  How is this possible?  How is it possible the MILK and MAYONNAISE do not fit properly?!?
  • Living room - still in progress.  I will enjoy it immensely once it's not filled with crap anymore and the ant trail is no longer stretching the length of the entire GD house to the trash can.
  • Bathroom - the light pink, medium pink, dark raspberry pink, and black tile doesn't bother me as much in the bathroom than in the kitchen.  Maybe because pink makes more sense in a bathroom?  And the tub is HOOJ (well, huge for me.....) so, yeah.  Love that.
  • Boudoir - FAB!  It's cool, dark, secluded... The temperature stays the most consistent of anywhere else in the house and is soothing, calm, and wonderful... I haven't slept this well in a looooong time.  YAY.

The Abode

The apartment is coming along.  Updates:

Got the dining room in some sort of order.  I was a total badass and hung FOUR curtain rods all in one evening.

Went crazy at Ikea, too, and got rugs, cups, and other miscellaneous items that make me embarrassingly giddy.

Plotting couch wrangling has commenced as well.

Bought a dishwasher (a machine, not a human) and should be arriving next week.  THAT makes me feel like a grown-up............

Mom even mentioned this place looks more "grown up" than the others and she's totally right, and I was totally thinking that before she said it.  It feels more like a little house than an apartment.

It's more exposed, has more windows, and has more traffic noise than the other place, but somehow feels more private, quiet, and secluded.  We're sleeping better, we feel better, pretty much all things are better here.

THANK GOD for blessings in disguise.



She Says "Blugh"

September 19th

Stress reaction.  Anger.  Slow going and slow coming down.  But how long will it take?

Set off easily.  I hate that.

I need a day off.

Or ten.

I know they're coming but now definitely feeling they're much needed.


September 26th

Much calmer after my mini vacation, but still -- the edginess comes quickly and strong.  I don't know how long it will take to be able to stay calm, but I would really like it right about now.

[...]

It may take longer than four days of vacation to fully expunge work from the system, to get it out of the mind, the blood.

It may take something more like a week.

I Heart Susan Miller

I need to take a minute to tell you why I love Susan Miller, and why she is such a genius.

So, I'm into astrology, no news there.  I love Susan's monthly horoscopes because they are very detailed, thorough, and usually prove to be accurate.  A trick I've learned is to read your monthly horoscope towards the END of the month, to see if the things that were predicted came true, without the bias of watching out for things beforehand.

That's what I did this month, and BOY HOWDY am I delightfully surprised -- again!  It's all dead-on.  And it FREAKS ME OUT.

Here we go.

"The new moon of September 15 might set you packing again to travel, this time to a town much closer to home. You may decide to take a business trip while the weather is still gentle. If you do travel, you'll have a specific goal to complete. New contacts will be pouring into your life after this new moon, and with Mars so supportive, you will welcome new people and influences. Your mind will be agile and sharp, and you'll be eager to gobble up the information you see, the minute it is presented to you. The third house prepares us for future change, and you seem ready for new projects, events, and people to fill your life. This new moon is in Virgo, so you will need to be very organized to keep up with the flow of information that will pour in from so many sources."

I very much felt this way earlier in the month, "agile and sharp," and took advantage of that in my work and in my writing.  And TOTALLY ready for new projects, people, things to do...

"You may now begin a writing, editing, or speaking project. Or you may get serious about entering social networking or about enlarging your presence there. You may issue a podcast or ebook, or redesign your website or blog. You may prepare a special marketing, public relations, promotional, or advertising campaign. Or you may very successfully use this new moon to design a cell phone app or new software. The month's emphasis on Virgo makes this an ideal time to work on any project that requires eagle eyes and attention to minute detail. The new moon in the third house is why so many of the themes that will emerge now will center on communications and travel."

I started two new blogs this month, one of which incorporates a LOT of writing in more a creative style, and I also revamped this blog a little bit.  It's been challenging doing creative writing again, and I'm just testing it out for now so I'm maintaining some anonymity, but the first few weeks these new projects were ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT.  Absorbed, consumed, enthralled -- WHATEVER it was, it was a creative high that wouldn't quit.


"You may also see a strong emphasis on your sister or brother this month, and part of the reason for your travel may be to see your sibling. If family obligations make it impossible for you to travel, you may find you are on the phone with your sibling quite a bit."

Uhhh, Brother and I flew down to see Other Brother, Sis-in-Law, and Nephew last weekend.  Soo......

"If you were born on July 15, plus or minus four days, you will benefit from this new moon more than other Cancers you know. It's a great time to initiate something new."

Done.  Did it.  It's been done-it.

"Your attention will be drawn to your career at the difficult full moon, September 29 plus or minus four days. A matter will reach critical mass, and at just that time, you will need to be attentive to what is happening at home, too. Keeping an eye on both won't be easy, but it will be necessary. The full moon will be in Aries, 7 degrees, and precisely conjoin Uranus. That alone means whatever is going on at work on a very high profile project, or in regard to a powerful VIP, is about to take a turn in a very unexpected direction. You will not see this coming.
Pluto will be in hard angle to the moon and Uranus, and also at the same time be in hard angle to the Sun in your house of home. The moon is your ruler, so you will be taking everything very personally. The Sun rules your solar second house of earned income, so news about a fee or salary matter seems to upset you. Either someone will not pay you what was promised or you may experience an unexpected expense. Meanwhile, Pluto is currently in your relationship house, so in this complex situation, as much as you would love to get support from this person, you won't and may, by default, become be part of the problem."

As I was JUST saying today: Is EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD PMSing right now, or what?!  Very tense work stuff.  Coworker provoked me on the phone.  I got mad and yelled.  He got defensive.  I felt angry and guilty.  Everything feels personal.  Things feel like they're wearing at the seams and everyone's on edge.  Guhh...


"No matter what your chart happens to be like, the advice I have for you is quite simple.
When Uranus is involved, you can never quite plan in advance, and everyone is in the same boat. No matter what comes up, it will seem to be random, and not at all what you would even imagine might happen. All you can do is make sure you have nothing of enormous importance planned for September 29 plus or minus five days. Do not initiate a new business venture then, and do not sign a contract then. Certainly, you would be wise not bring up controversial subjects at that time, even casually. (Everyone you meet will be fragile this weekend, no matter what their sign happens to be.)"

Some minor plans, but hopefully nothing that will interfere.  Oh Susan, you speak to my heart...

September 25, 2012

Upon My Return


September 23, 2012
  • soft, oversized t-shirts
  • black leather motorcycle purse - super bitchy
  • brown or pink leather moto jacket - Target?
  • sneakers in a fun color

September 25, 2012


I've never been very good at that kind of thing.  "Self promotion."

ERMAGURD!  I can't stop saying ERMAGURD!

I wore the bear shirt again today.  People are coming up to me and growling at will, as if it is somehow socially acceptable.

Bear shirt................... Check
Hot jeans................... Check
Ass-kickin' boots....... Check
Hot hair..................... Check
Killer 'tude................. Check

Is ink my true love?

September 18, 2012

Notes

*Must find hammer


  • couch
  • curtain rod for bay windows
  • curtains - white and black flowers, beige panels [tabbed], beige panels
  • dishwasher
  • sanity


How to sell paintings:

  1. make good paintings
  2. get business cards
  3. get a website
  4. get digital images of all work - archiving + future prints
  5. CDs of work? [is this archaic?]
  6. pricing
  7. go places and convince them to hang your stuff
  8. wait

Steve Sable died.
Who's Steve Sable?
Nevermind.

HR Director commented on my differing food choices.  Sometimes healthy, sometimes NOT.
Turns out, my current mental state can be determined by whatever I'm eating.
Is Pea in a good mood?  
I don't know -- What's she having for lunch?

Tuna salad - Happy and busy, but not frantic
Milky Way - Busy and almost stressed, but not quite there yet
Bernie's $5 Teriyaki - Fairly chipper and trying to get a free lunch - don't ask her for favors
Subway sandwich, toasted - Quietly stressed and doesn't want to talk about it - leave her alone
String cheese - Very stressed out, approach with caution
Burger King cheeseburgers - REALLY stressed out, probably cried at least once today - BEWARE
Javier's - She has already decided F*** THIS DAY and may or may not respond violently - DO NOT APPROACH
Anything sit-down - The day has been proclaimed "OVER" and she is no longer at work - reactions may vary, approach first with large stick and then with ice cream sundae

Hello Autumn

September 9, 2012

What a fantastic Fall morning!  No wonder I'm feeling so creative...

My eye detects such subtle changes in the light, the shadows only a few inches longer than weeks ago, but still -- the difference feels enormous.  I feel so many happy things when summer slips into Fall, most of which I cannot express in the right way.  Maybe it's my "soul laughing?"

Even that seems trite.

Forgot One

Dreams
September 9th

The first day of school, or maybe a reunion -- I met Drew, very glad to see him! -- My old friend Nicole is here, too!  She is so much taller than I remember, but still the same warm face and smile -- She smells so pretty -- I realize after all this time -- thirteen years? -- I have missed her deeply -- Why did I lose touch?  She was always such a good friend to me --

September 13, 2012

Of Home and Things

September 11, 2012

We got keys.  

Lying on the empty floor felt nice.



It still smells like paint, but it's alright.  And it's really cute.

But, it is difficult to be excited right now, for two reasons:
  1. Life (read: work) is too stressful
  2. Moving BLOWS
Even though it's only about a hundred feet away, it's still moving, and I still have to change my address, move the electricity, update my address with everyone and every company I'm currently in contact with, sign up for gas service, rent some dollies... A bunch of really annoying things that I'd hoped to not have to deal with for a while.

But what can I do?  Not much.  Except sit here and whine about it while eating fresh blueberries and yogurt, and making sure I jump on the fast moving train that is my recent creative rampage (crampage?).  Some of the stuff I'm working on is a little bit secret, and Susan Miller said it would behoove me right now to continue to work in "secret."  

Since she's right about almost everything, I'm going to take her advice.


Dreams
September 9th

Cale sits in the chair, a terrible look on his face, contorted and upset -- they just returned from the beach and had a terrible fight -- so livid is his expression, unable to speak from overwhelming anger -- 

I've never seen him like this before --

[...]

We already moved into our new place, an old house with lots of people -- We planned on just us in a small apartment, but when it turned out to be the opposite we didn't really notice --  The biggest things I notice about the living situation are not the slew of unfamiliar people wandering in and out of the rooms, or the strange setup of the living room, but the hideous tile floor in the main living area -- lime green and lemonade pink! -- stretching from the floors up onto the walls -- tacky decorative tiles as focal points, appearing to have been installed by someone who knows absolutely nothing about laying tile -- An appraiser wanders around and it is only then understood that this building is Everyday Music, not a house, even though it looks like Music Millenium, with lime green tile -- NOW it makes sense why there are so many people around. --

Fire Pattern

Dreams
September 5th

Large houses, yards filled with plants, a waning night sky -- we lie on lawn chairs in the backyard looking up at the stars, the impending darkness -- Talking, chatting, laughing -- Then, the neighbor's house engulfed in flames, fire pouring out of the windows -- Oh no! I say, That house is on fire! -- He reassures me, It's one of those houses on the edge of the park, It'll be okay -- 

But it seems much closer than that -- Are you sure it's not closer? -- I get up from my seat to investigate, flames jumping from that house to ours, setting it instantly ablaze -- No!  No no no!

Spreading so rapidly, out of control, flames immediately in the kitchen, in the bedroom, spewing violently out the windows and creeping over the roof and around the porch -- 

NO NO NO!

Pulling my hair in anger, terror, fear -- How can it end this way?  How can Brightwood possibly end this way?

I run inside without thinking -- I need my phone, call the fire department -- I stand on the lawn and dial the numbers -- the woman's tone is calming, soothing -- she doesn't ask for my address -- That's weird, I think, They must have GPS --

We stand helplessly watching quiet fire swallow every memory I'd ever had, standing on the lawn, waiting, hoping it's not as bad as it looks -- Crying, yelling, feeling my insides shrink into oblivion, swallows me whole --

Idle Time

September 3, 2012

It's just this day, right now.  It's not everything, not all things that ever were or all things will be.  It's just right now.

And even though right now feels messed up, the air still smells beautiful and Fall is still sneaking in and my shoulders don't hurt today.  All of these things are so good.

I had a wonderful time with KT.  She is back from Alaska.  I didn't realize how much I missed her.  She makes me feel creative and energized and happy.

September 1, 2012

Continued

Dreams
August 29th

A beach at sunset -- I drove there hoping to catch the crowd and people-watch for a while, but the sun had just sunk behind the mountains -- the sky a dusty grey tinged with the lingering orange of waning sunlight -- 

The people have all gone, getting into their cars -- I parked mine and got out, walking slowly through the sand, the damp ground underneath the waves -- Matthew is here -- Matthew!  I haven't seen you in so long! -- He knew I would be here -- He won't tell me how, but he knew -- 

He brought chips and guacamole to munch on, some of the best guacamole I've had, in a bowl that looks like one of mine -- "You made it," he says -- "A couple days ago, from the party." -- I have no recollection --

We hang out in the shallow waters as the sky turns dark, talking and laughing and sharing the snack -- 

Cosmic Uncertainty

August 29th

Something must be misaligned in the universe today.  My neighbor's apartment was broken into, her laptop stolen while she took a shower, then I dropped my sunglasses in the toilet, then everything I picked up before going to work fell swiftly out of my hands, then while going to get lunch my Top Five Least Favorite Songs in the Whole Entire Cosmos came on the radio all at once, on different stations.

1.  Sheryl Crow - All I Wanna Do
2.  Sublime - What I Got
3.  Red Hot Chili Peppers - Scar Tissue
4.  Paula Cole - I Don't Want to Wait
5.  Shania Twain - That Don't Impress Me Much


Ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shoot me.