Friday Night Clarity

I got home from my massage in a calm sloppy state that only a massage from Missy can induce.  In the least lesbian sense of the word I can muster, she is a freakin’ goddess.  I started to wonder why her massages started to feel so short lately, thinking that she might actually be jipping me on time.  I found out it’s because I keep falling asleep.  Everything feels short when you’re sleeping through it.  Once I discovered this I felt better but a little mad that I was missing the sensuous deliciousness of the experience.  Regardless, the noodly feeling ensued.

I started making a spinach salad with avocado and chickpeas and bell pepper and a sour cream dressing and wondered how to keep myself awake for a few hours after such a massage when my brother started requesting things from me in text messages.

Brother:  Aightnegroholla:  1) I need an obscure Wayne’s World quote to school Tara Mitchell and  2) the fuck the plan is for breakfast?

(I should note that many a conversation with my oldest brother are entirely executed in movie quotes.  Rather than remembering birthdays or recipes or valuable things like how to calculate a tip or what to do in the event of a grease fire, my brain stores lines from all the movies I’ve ever seen.  Not kidding.  My brother shares this special gift.  It’s like our own language and while many appreciate the idea, it is sometimes difficult to follow.)

Me:  If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor … Hey are you done yet ’cause I’m getting tired of holding this … Actually it’s pronounced mil ee wauk ay, which is Algonquin for ‘the good land.’ … You kiss your mother with that mouth? …. Whyyy God, whyyyy?

Me:  Fah q and your breakfast.  What you wanna do for breakfast?

Me:  Ah, Neuprin: Little. Yellow. Different.

Me:  I’m giving you a No-Honk Guarantee.

………

Brother:  Have you been drinking?

Me:  If I say no, you won’t believe me.  But the answer really is no.

Me:  Have you been drinking?  No!  I’m just THAT funny

Me:  Have you been drinking?  No, but I’m about to!

Me:  I have lots of answers.

Brother:  No contest!  My phones just glowing with the heat of your self-satisfaction.  Tara stands no chance!

Brother:  What about bfast huh?

Me:  I think breakfast should be ordered and eaten.  When and where is the challenge. 

It was at this point that I poured myself a very large cold glass of something pink and alcoholic and ate the salad that turned out to be less a success than I’d anticipated.  I think the spinach wasn’t very fresh the chickpeas tasted like tin can.

I sat for a minute and thought about heady things and what a valuable ability it is to be able to make oneself laugh.  Even in solitude, one may find hilarity.

May the guffaws cut through the steady electronic dance beats of Friday nights alone with wine and chopped vegetables!