Musings Overview

I found a very tiny faux Moleskine in a bucket on the bottom shelf of a bookcase.  It is filled with beautiful, breathtaking, completely insightful and wildly delicate drawings, words, ideas from late 2007-early 2008.

I was in college then.

I remember these tiny sketchbooks I kept.  At the time they were merely a dumping ground for all the gunk floating around in my brain at any given moment.  A place to purge.  Remove.  Record.  Repeat.

I never suspected I would encounter one years later and be fully swept away by its contents.

It is truly a gem.  Anyone who knows me knows this is not a sentiment I reserve for my own makings.  I am simply that struck.

Tiny, itty bitty portraits drawn with one of those stupidly fine Micron pens, ones I would inevitably end up throwing away because I pushed too hard ONE time and the tip was toast.  Face after face of fleeting, careful moments in the day-to-day existence of a 22-year-old college student whose life just seemed so. Hard. Always…

Microscopic doodlings of J so delicately exacting the most perfect mark with a razor blade on a sixty pound chunk of stone.

The wiry outline of a Volkswagon sitting across the street from the bus stop I grew to love and loathe.

A crisp rendition of a bottle of Crystal Geyser water perched on the edge of my workstation, embodying the soul of those moments when I realized I had no idea what the hell I was doing.  Wanting to crawl away and sleep.

Haiku after ridiculous haiku about nothing at all, like I am a small child first discovering he has legs, and deeply understanding the power such knowledge wields.

And writing, too.  Poetry, sense impressions, thoughts... I will post a few here, as I'd like to continue enjoying them over and over again, and maybe you will too.

XOXO

Notes

*Must find hammer

• couch
• curtain rod for bay windows
• curtains - white and black flowers, beige panels [tabbed], beige panels
• dishwasher
• sanity

How to sell paintings:

1. make good paintings
2. get business cards
3. get a website
4. get digital images of all work - archiving + future prints
5. CDs of work? [is this archaic?]
6. pricing
7. go places and convince them to hang your stuff
8. wait

Steve Sable died.
Who's Steve Sable?
Nevermind.

HR Director commented on my differing food choices.  Sometimes healthy, sometimes NOT.
Turns out, my current mental state can be determined by whatever I'm eating.
Is Pea in a good mood?  
I don't know -- What's she having for lunch?

Tuna salad - Happy and busy, but not frantic
Milky Way - Busy and almost stressed, but not quite there yet
Bernie's $5 Teriyaki - Fairly chipper and trying to get a free lunch - don't ask her for favors
Subway sandwich, toasted - Quietly stressed and doesn't want to talk about it - leave her alone
String cheese - Very stressed out, approach with caution
Burger King cheeseburgers - REALLY stressed out, probably cried at least once today - BEWARE
Javier's - She has already decided F*** THIS DAY and may or may not respond violently - DO NOT APPROACH
Anything sit-down - The day has been proclaimed "OVER" and she is no longer at work - reactions may vary, approach first with large stick and then with ice cream sundae

On A Sunday, With the Boys

August 12th

Helser's on Alberta

pepper bacon & cheddar hash

sausage breakfast

smoked salmon hash

coffee

     coffee

          coffee...

. concept of "un-learning"

. "cursive typing"

. I want long hair so I can put it in a bundle atop my head

. maybe I'll feel better once the weather changes...

. ready for Fall, afterall?

The Composition Journey Continues

August 11th

Today's date feels important but I cannot place why.

Eating breakfast at John Street Cafe in St. John's and it reminds me of D.  Makes me miss our adventures in North Portland, St. John's, bumming around, eating lunch at places I'd never see from the street unless they were pointed out to me.

I still wish they were here.

[...]

There is the slightest amount of Autumn in the air today, kind of that smoky wood smell.  Feels a little weird -- Summer hasn't really fully begun.

But I don't mind.  Autumn is more my style.  I can go without summer.

Most Portlanders would murder me for such blasphemy!

I'm not sorry.

The List

A while back I realized most of my favorite things in the whole world start with the letter “B.”  That along with a previous post inspired me to put together The List, in full.

Pea’s Most Favorite Things

In the Whole Wide Universe

(in no particular order)

Breakfast

Babies

Brew

Baths

Bollocks

Brothers

Balloons

Ba-dunk

Birds

Bottles, of the glass variety

Beethoven

Bears

Beards

Blue Christmas lights

Blue Bomber, The

Black dresses

Butter

Bellies

Bridges

Bridgetown

Breakfast

Bumping Pandora on my new speakers

Breeze, a nice

Brew, caffeinated

Brew, alcoholic

Blue jeans

Biscotti

Black and white photographs

Black beans

Black hard-cover sketchbooks

Black hair

Black fingernail polish

Billy goats

Betty goats

Broad skies

Belly laughs

Bart Simpson

Breakfast

Boats

Boots

Beige

Brick, exposed

Big toothy smiles

British musicians

BFFs

BTWs

BRBs

Word of the Day: The Letter "B"

Brother:  Want to hear my four favorite things in the world in alphabetical order that start with the letter "B?"

Me:  Sure.

Brother:  Beer   ...Shit I fucked it up already.

Brother:  Barbecue     Beer     Boobs     Byroms

Me:  Awww.

Brother:  And when all those things happen simultaneously?

Me:  ........

Me:  It's a Life-gasm?

Brother:  It's a LIFE-GASM!!!!!

bit*ter*sweet
[adj. bit-er-sweet, bit-er-sweet; n. bit-er-sweet]

adjective

1.  both pleasant and painful or regretful
2.  pleasant but tinged with sadness

Word of the Day: Abounding in Pith

pith*y

adjective, pith*i*er, pith*i*est.

1.  brief, forceful, and meaningful in expression; full of vigor, substance, or meaning; terse; forcible

2.  of, like, or abounding in pith

irregardless:

[irr-re-gard-less]

Irregardless is considered nonstandard because of the two negative elements ir-  and -less.  It was probably formed on the analogy of such words as irrespective, irrelevant, and irreparable.  Those who use it, including on occasion educated speakers, may do so from a desire to add emphasis, and usually end up sounding pretty stupid.

mercurial:

[mer-kyoo r-ee-uh l]

–adjective

 

1.  changeable; volatile; fickle; flighty; erratic: a mercurial nature

2.  animated; lively; sprightly; quick-witted

3.  pertaining to, containing, or caused by the metal mercury

4.  of or pertaining to the god Mercury

5.  of or pertaining to the planet Mercury

Notes to Self:
new favorite word: incarnation
new favorite goal: binge on strawberries now to last you through the winter
long-time vice in a new way: refrigerated chocolate
long-time annoyance that always feels new: cramps
new favorite thing that feels like I've had it a long time: my grey Ikea nightstand
new laughs with long-time friends: simply superb

Sunday Flow

Reminder:
       Carrot cake is not part of your "eat less sugar" diet.

Why don't I just stop buying clothing 

   that's not black 

       and be done with it?

.
I get these urges,
these impulses
to just be different,
feel different,
to be and feel
like someone completely different
and absolutely, truly me
at the very same time.
.

              >hand-drawn feel?  >irregular + sketchy?

              >mustaches

              >beards

              >bears

              >cars

              >DeLoreans?

              >antique modern + clouds + sky

              >machinery  >guns

              >mustaches on guns?

On the Docket:

1) Find some dark wash tailored shorts

2) Start fretting about trip to California

3) Find new hair stylist (WAH)

4) Call landlord and tell her I want one of the units in the

   building that has a balcony

5) (Consequently, request substantial raise from employer to

   afford said unit)

6) Further utilize coupons on the backs of Fred Meyer receipts

7) Find a long skirt made of slinky material that doesn’t make me

   look like a pear

ba·nal

[buh-nal, -nahl, beyn-|]

-adjective

devoid of freshness or originality; hackneyed; trite: a banal and sophomoric treatment of courage on the frontier.

hack·neyed

[hak-need]

-adjective

made commonplace or trite; stale; banal: the hackneyed images of his poetry.

The Only Way to Say :

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

 (i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings;and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any - lifted from the no
of all nothing - human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

E. E. Cummings


Courtesy of KT

Here, I Got You These Paper Binoculars

Why, yes -- I will polish off the remaining Baker Josef's Semi-Sweet Chocolate Callets (For Baking, Melting & Nibbling) because they are so perfectly un-sweet, so yummy and melty, so delectable and crispy in fine round discs.  Nevermind the fact that I've been eating chocolate like there is no tomorrow (because if there is no tomorrow, I will feel better going out knowing I spent my last moments reveling in smooth semi-sweet perfection), on top of the sneaky handfuls of free Jelly Bellies and runaway Snickers Bars left beneath my computer monitor at work. 

I think I might be broken. 

In more ways that I previously suspected.

And now I am alternating between bits of smooth chocolate and sips of hot green tea, brewed extra strong. 

It's Bliss: Version One and Bliss: Version Two in harmony. Or, duking it out. 

Either way, I've decided this is my Heaven and I'll surely be okay if today is indeed the last day of the world.

On my mind lately(besides a basket

of other things):

              Chickens

              Chocolate

              Sleep, more sleep

                                 ... 

I feel increasingly tired as the week wears on.  Last night I dreamed of robots (again), super high-tech super computers made paper-thin and attached to belted keychains, and spies trying to get away from government officials. 

Despite that, I'm sleeping well.  Just. Still. So. Tired. 

Oh, and hens are coming out of my head.  But that doesn't appear to be affecting my sleep.

 Note to self:

The Way March Eighth Unfolds

Morning

I am already starting to regret the half a Paradise cinnamon bun I just scarfed, starting with the middle and working outward.  It was quite the helping, since the whole bun was about the size of my face.

Modesty?  Not today. 

           "I don’t know why I think I can get by with using small Post-Its. 
            I just can’t get my point across in 2 ½ inches." -KT



Afternoon

I am so over this day. 
Are you over this day? 
I am So. Bloody. Over. It.


Of note: An Evolution
    
     Ridiculous
     Ricockulous
     Ridonkulous
     Stupid
     Stoopid
     Super stupid
     Super stoop
     Stoopy stoop
     Ristoopulous
     Ricockustoop
     Ristoopucock



Eve

Rocked out on the treadmill and got up to 6.2 mph at 8% incline.  Only for thirty seconds, but man that thirty seconds sure does feel like twenty minutes.

Now my legs feel like thin spaghetti noodles, my back feels like rotini, and my mind feels clear like a smooth alfredo, even though I had beans and rice for dinner. 

And on the bus home I thought of nothing except KT's beans and rice song, sung to the melody of a Beethoven Symphony.  Playing over and over again, it helped to stave off the hunger pangs and concentrate on more constructive things, like chewing my gum in time with the melody.

Oh, and I
 finally caved. 
   Kind of a no-brainer
     at $9.99, wouldn't
       you say?

on·er·ous

[on-er-uhs, oh-ner-]

–adjective

1. burdensome, oppressive, or troublesome; causing hardship:

   onerous duties.

2. having or involving obligations or responsibilities,

   especially legal ones, that outweigh the advantages: an

   onerous agreement.