While in Great Company

August 18th

[shouldn't the plural of "dominatrix" be "dominatrices?"]

Craving Clouds

White Bean Soup
olive oil
small onion, chopped
garlic cloves
1/2 tsp. dried basil
1/2 tsp. dried rosemary
1/4 tsp. dried thyme
1/4 tsp. salt
pepper
15 ounce can cannellini or great northern beans, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 cups vegetable broth

In a large saucepan, heat oil over medium-high heat.  Add onion, celery, garlic, basil, rosemary, thyme, and salt; reduce to medium-low and cook, stirring occasionally, 15 minutes, or until vegetables are softened.

Add beans and stir to combine.  Using a large metal spoon, transfer about 3/4 of the bean mixture to a blender.  Add broth and puree until smooth.  Return mixture to the saucepan, stir to combine, and bring to a simmer just to heat through.  Season with additional salt and pepper to taste.  Serve warm.

(I ate two bowls.  Thanks, Sis.)

Solo Saturday: Part I

As my mother would say, it was a bloodless coup.  It didn't stand a chance, not one bit of chance against my ferocious kitchening skills.  What, you ask?  What didn't stand a chance?

DINNER.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, but tonight I'm feeling generous so I will make an exception.  I am a total badass in the kitchen.  .....sometimes.  Tonight happens to be one of those Sometimes.  I took that dinner and I wrangled it to the ground.  I took it by the neck and whirled it around until there was no pulp left to beat out of it.

It happened like this.  (Yes, for me to make a nice dinner, something does in fact have to happen.)

I went into the Wal in search of the face lotion I like.  Upon entering the store, I was very dismayed that a Demolition Durby was taking place and I did not have fair warning.  If you didn't already know, the new thing now is putting full grocery departments into Wal Marts and Targets, but to do so they have to demolish the part of the store that they're not replacing, keep it like that for just long enough so you get used to it, and then they change everything back when they put it back together again.  This means everything gets moved around, which really annoys me.

So the Cosmetics and Toothpaste sections are now at the far end where the Random Holiday Crap used to be, the Eyeballs and Pills sections are smashed up against a very strange wall that did not used to exist, and the Bicycle section is completely missing.  When I got all the way to the far end, it was dark and creepy.  Not the kind of place I want to shop for makeup or face lotion.  But I was willing to take the hit.  This lotion is THAT good.

When I couldn't find it I became unbelievably annoyed.  I know what the box looks like.  I know the brand.  Where is it?  WHERE. IS. IT?!?!?  I kept standing in the Face Stuff aisle, frantically searching for the lotion because sometimes I don't see things that are right in front of me, so I had to check every single bottle on the shelf just to make sure.  The lady stocking and straightening the bottles looked at me funny.  I looked at her funny back, and she put her head down and kept straightening the bottles.  My rage became exponentially worse as the minutes ticked on.  How can they not have this lotion??  Freddy's has it.  Target has it.  Why the hell doesn't Wal Mart have it?!  How am I supposed to get a good deal if it's not at Wal Mart?!?!?  RAAAAAAAAGE.

I know my story was originally about dinner.  Don't worry, I'm getting there.

I decided to walk off my anger attack in the soup aisle and got even more mad that the soups I like are a buck eighty-eight a can.  A buck eighty-eight!  Unacceptable!  What happened to soup being a buck a can?  Back in the day soup was less than a dollar a can.  When did that stop being the case?  Why are the prices of everything skyrocketing?  No, I will not pay four dollars a pound for chicken, either.  It only costs that much because now we're giving chickens beds and privacy and social lives and well-balanced, wholesome lives that don't have anything to do with the fact that that chicken will eventually end up in my belly no matter what.  That, my friends, is a little thing we call "extortion."

And when the hell did I turn into an old codger, anyway?  There is a blog I follow by this young funny lady and one of her recent posts is about being an 80-year-old woman in a 22-year-old's body.  I think we might be twin sisters.

Moving on.  After I got mad about the soups I wandered around huffing and puffing for a while looking for any other overpriced items I might need for home and/or my stomach.  It occurred to me in the pasta aisle (I will note the pasta aisle in Wally World seemed particularly dismal today -- don't go there for pasta.  They only had four different kinds and none of them were whole wheat, so it's a BIG FAT WASTE OF TIME) that I should make a delicious dinner tonight.  And it also occurred to me that this dinner should be none other than: fettucini tossed with olive oil, salt and pepper, with a summer vegetable sautee and garlic lemon shrimp.  Why this particular meal?  I have no idea.  It popped in my head like a light, so I wasn't about to question it.  And, I discovered I was much less mad about the lotion after I decided to eat something delicious.  I'm not sure how that works because they are about as unrelated as stuff can get, but whatever.

I would not find such yummy ingredients at this awful place with bombs going off and piles of rubble everywhere, so I went to Freddy's for supplies.  I found everything quickly and efficiently and came home straight away to cook.  YAY!  Mission salvaged!

So the REASON I am such a badass is NOT ONLY because of this beautiful meal I just devoured maniacally

but because I cooked it expertly: everything was done all at the right times and all the parts were hot and delicious all at the same time.  If you don't cook, this is perhaps the most difficult part.  Well, for me anyway.  Most of the time the main dish is hot and awesome (that's what he said?) but the vegetables and whatever else sit around for a while and end up cold and impatient.  

But not today!  I was fantastic!  I was a savage!  I took that dinner and said BOOM, DINNER!  You're DONE!

Some things I learned:

• Shrimp is no longer mysterious to me.  If you buy frozen, buy it raw.  Defrost in cold water and sautee in butter and minced garlic with lemon juice.  And that's IT.  Easy peasy.  Way better than Red Lobster.
• I really did miss summer vegetables during the winter, no matter how much I tried to deny it.
• Having four arms really would be much better than two.

And this is what it amounted to:

• Yellow squash, zucchini, asparagus sauteed in olive oil, shallot, ground mustard and cider vinegar, topped with fresh cracked black pepper
• Whole wheat fettucini with olive oil, salt and pepper
• Jumbo shrimp, sauteed in butter, fresh minced garlic, lemon juice

If you make this, eat everything happily and with passion.  And be glad your kitchen skillz are almost as good as mine.  BOO-YAH.

Salad as Meditation: A How-To

My Friday nights have turned into a special thing.  I usually have a chiropractic adjustment and massage right after work, so I come home feeling like I’m on a cloud and the house is usually empty.  Just me, alone with my kitchen and lots of random ingredients, pondering life and things and stuff and why things are the way they are.  I started making really delicious salads and I’ve gotten so good at them my boyfriend said, “You make salads that I just want to keep eating.  Like, I’m not just eating it quickly to get to the good stuff.”  The process is really the best part, and I always end up having a blast of a time, more than one would expect from dinking around in the refrigerator and eating something haphazard and accidental.  I feel refreshed and a little bit drunk so cleansed when I’m done and stuffed with ruffage.  Like that dazed feeling you get when you step out of a movie theater on a bright day.  So, this is my Introductory Guide to Salad Meditation.

Start with a clean kitchen

Take everything you might consider putting into a salad out of the fridge and put it on the counter, including some manner of greenery (butter lettuce is divine)

Survey inventory

Have a big cutting board and big knife ready; set aside

Open a bottle of wine, pour a glass, and commence sipping (tonight, we have a lovely 2007 White Merlot)

Ponder what you’d like to include in your salad adventure.  Things to consider or you might already have:

• carrot
• corn
• avocado
• pea
• cucumber
• cheese
• stinky cheese
• garbanzo bean
• black bean
• pinto bean
• chicken
• shrimp
• sausage
• bacon
• pepperoncini
• onion
• pear
• apple
• salami
• tomato
• walnut
• cranberry
• asparagus
• cooked egg
• magic
• orange
• pickle

The more things you put into a salad, the tastier it is.

Begin washing and peeling vegetables and chopping into desired shapes

Stop every so often to take a nibble and observe how it interacts with a sip of your preferred alcoholic beverage

Repeat as necessary

Begin adding vegetables and other items to a big bowl filled with lettuce until everything is in

Sit back for a minute, have another sip, and admire your handiwork

Now, make a dressing from scratch.  I discovered recently I much prefer an easy scratch dressing to anything bottled or jarred.  I like light dressings that do not interfere with the taste of the vegetables.  This one is my favorite:

• hefty splash olive oil
• small splash cider vinegar
• big dollop mayonnaise
• big dash garlic powder
• lots of dill weed
• small sprinkle salt
• small sprinkle rosemary
• lots of fresh-cracked pepper
• splash of pickle juice (if you’re feeling frisky)
• mix passionately
• pour over salad and toss

Improvise dressing as necessary.  Other ingredients to consider:

• sour cream
• lemon juice
• lime juice
• mustard
• barbecue sauce
• honey
• white vinegar
• tarragon
• soy sauce
• sesame oil

Eat the salad.

Drink the wine.

Think about why you like your house, spouse, dog, whatever.  Read something, write something, doodle or sing or talk to yourself.  Revel in this nice moment.

Continue eating and meditating as long as you like.

The end.

Rainy Day Project

The other night I was in a bad mood and didn't know what to do with myself.  It was a cold night and extra dark.  The Boy was playing a computer game and I was still on my slow post-Thanksgiving decline, so I didn't feel like doing much of anything even though I wanted to be doing something.  I ended up collecting all of my recipes from the random places I stuff them and compiling them in a book.

No, I didn't draw the chicken -- it's a sticker from a local coffee shop that I was waiting for juuuuust the right thing to stick it to.  This was it!

Most of my recipes are hand-written, typed on a typewriter, photocopies, or printouts from my mom's emails.  She's sent me countless recipes over the years and I never thought to put them into something cohesive ("Oh, I'll just fold this in half and stuff it in this cookbook.  In three months I'll totally remember where it is").  Drawn on, written on, stained, crumpled, torn, folded, and, most importantly, all very loved.

And not without my own contributions, of course.  Hellooo, Eggin!

But Mom's contributions are the best part, which is why I could never re-type all of these and make them look the same.  Always  decorated with tiny drawings . . .

And, of course, commentary.

Roasting 101?

First off, I don’t often buy magazines.   I like to read the fronts while standing in line, but rarely do I nab one.  However, because this one leapt off the shelf and refused to go on living without coming home with me, I simply could not say No.  You can almost always get me to do something by either  a) bribing with promises of food and beverage, or  b) threats of suicide.  So I ended up buying the darned thing and it’s turning out to be one of the best mags I’ve ever purchased.  Who knew things could be so simple?!

I can’t vouch for other issues, but this one is chock FULL of fantastic ideas and recipes.  And my favorite part?

Revolutionizing Dinner (One Table at a Time)

Seriously.  Seriously this is one of the most useful articles I’ve ever read.  They have four (ish) families all with different setbacks to cooking more regularly and healthily (BTW, “healthful”  is a word we invented to sound more scholarly in health and nutrition articles.  The words “healthy” and “healthily” have since been replaced with suspiciously similar terms “healthful” and “healthfully” which have proliferated to such a degree that the red squiggly line no longer shows up underneath them in my draft. Nice going, ENGLISH) and they send their “team” in or whatever and give them cooking and organizational tips and lots of cool stuff.  This article, I am realizing now at this moment, might have changed my life.  It’s gotten me so pumped to cook more and be active about it, hence the stupidly easy dinner I made tonight with virtually nothing in my fridge:

Rosemary chicken legs and thighs with carrots (BOO-YAH, MARTHA)

This chicken turned out *SO* DELICIOUS, and I’m not just saying that because I made it and I’m the only one here.  I’m pretty hard on myself when it comes to cooking.  But this?  Easy peasy, man.

Mix in a bowl:

Olive oil

Minced garlic or fresh cloves, chopped

Salt & pepper

Ground rosemary

Toss carrots and chicken pieces in mixture, put on a baking sheet and bake at 425 degrees for 30 minutes.

BAM.  DONE.  STUPID EASY.

Confession: I'm Not Just the Operator

Tart Grass Delight
1 bunch Wheat Grass
1/2 can chunked pineapple

Pulverize, let drain into a cup
Stir with spoon to mix

*Very energizing, so be careful


Mary's Twin Sister
Canned tomatoes
2 carrots
2 celery stalks
1/4 cuke

Pulverize, let drain into a big cup
Stir with spoon to mix
Add fat splash Tabasco
Dash salt
Dash pepper

*This one just about blew my nuts off

Well, Pepper Me Sideways...

I've done it.  I've splurged.

I've been operating on a pretty strict budget for about five years or so (I am suddenly appalled by the number of years it's been since college...) and even though I've got a reliable income, I still sometimes revert back to my just-moved-away-from-home programming, when spending seven dollars on a salad bar would have really set me back, and is only made easier to swallow by the handfuls of muffins I've stuffed in my purse.

Fast forward to seven-ish months ago and I'm in Fred Meyer shopping for Course Grind Black Pepper.  Without doubt, I spend no fewer than eight minutes on average standing in the spice aisle -- the labels are absurdly tiny, one garlic powder costs $1.99 and another one two rows up costs $4.99 (Why? Why?!), sometimes the cinnamon comes in a tin and sometimes a round bottle.  It might just be me, but it always feels frantic and disorganized in the spices, and I usually end up mad.

I figure pepper is no big deal, on par with salt and russet potatoes and lip balm, and I scan the labels for the right one.  If you haven't already heard, I am, without question, my mother's daughter (in more ways than one) and in its most recent incarnation, I am spiritually, religiously, and vehemently opposed to regular pepper, which I still lobby should be called That Powdery Crap.  Who likes a big sloppy clump of pepper in their eggs?  Nobody.

Scanning...scanning...scanning...*BING* there it is, only this particular Course Grind comes packaged in a GIGANTIC container and costs >gasp< ten dollars.  TEN. DOLLARS.  I choke a little.  I was expecting one, maybe two dollars, max.

I've never looked up the word "extortion" before, but I'd bet money this is what it means.

It's the only option for Course Grind Black Pepper in the entire store.  Infinite options for everything else in the marketable universe (Really?  Only six choices of organic, raw Kombucha?) but pepper appears to be a novelty.  Eff that.  I'm not spending ten dollars on pepper.  It's up there with deodorant -- I mean, it's important, but how important?

I pass on the Course Grind and eventually find a suitable alternative and go on my way.

Fast forward again to four days ago and I'm swimming in a mound of leftover cabbage that I don't know what to do with.  I'd made a Chinese food stir-fry thing with cabbage and I'd have used it all if my pan was big enough.  I ended up not being very interested in the stir-fry, so I packed it for Bear's lunch and he ate it for breakfast instead.

"Will, what do I do with all this extra cabbage?!"

"Make coleslaw."

Oh.  Good call.

(A few days later after I made the coleslaw, I suggested he eat some for breakfast and he said "That's not breakfast food.")

It only comes to my attention at this moment that I have never made coleslaw before.  I text Mom.

Ma! I need your coleslaw recipe -- stat.

She called a few hours later and left the recipe in a voice mail.  I jotted it down on a piece of yellow non-legal sized legal paper.

Ma's Slaw

Cabbage, diced

Celery, 3 or 4 stalks, finely chopped

Carrot, shredded directly into bowl

Salt, a little

Pepper, LOTS

Onion powder, a little

Mayo, until it looks right

Good deal.  I've got almost all of that, and you know what would be awesome in this?  Some Course Grind Black Pepper.  That's what Mom uses, and I want it to be just like hers, so I must retrieve some.

I'm standing in Fred Meyer slowly seething at the chaos of the spice aisle when Ah-HA! there's the pepper, then Holy Shit it's ten bucks?! then OMG I can't NOT have Course Grind Black Pepper in my coleslaw or it won't taste just like Mom's, but Mother of Pearl this is expensive, and if it doesn't taste just like Mom's I won't eat it and I'll have to make Will eat it, even though he'll eat anything I ask him to (he's the best-looking garbage disposal I've ever had) and I'll end up having to buy more cabbage to make it again to see if it'll taste just like Mom's and this is already turning into a disaster and Dude why are you freaking out right now? I don't know, I think the spice aisle gives me panic attacks.  Can everybody just stop crowding me for a minute?!  I have to think.

Zennnn.

Hey, Pea?  Remember you're not in college anymore?  Remember that you don't drink free Student Center coffee that tastes like a bathroom and have to wear the same underwear two days in a row to cut back on laundry expenses?

Ohh.  Yeahh . . .

I splurge.  I buy the ten dollar pepper, make the coleslaw just like Mom said, and *hot damn* it tasted just like hers.  This fact was further solidified when Brother came over, said he was gonna have a bite of my 'slaw, got down to the last two bites and looked up at me, mildly horrified.

"Dude. I ate all your coleslaw."

"YEAH you did."

I feel okay about spending that much money on something I thought would be dirt cheap, because  a) it's delicious, and  b) it is key to many things.  And, since that huge bottle will probably last me about three years, it's like paying $0.25 a month for pepper with no interest.  I guess I can swing that.

When I'm Not Stressed About Work:

Greek Scramble:
Greens, sauteed in olive oil
2 eggs, jumbo
Feta, crumbled
Pepper, fresh-cracked
2 big grape tomatoes, halved

Meat Group:
Smoked sausage, seared

Fruit Thing:
Tillamook Yogurt, plain
Grapes

Beverage:
French Roast Green Mountain Coffee with Half & Half, guzzled


All that and I don't have a picture of it because I left my camera in Su's car last weekend in Southern California.  D'oh!  You'll just have to take my word that it was, and looked, delicious.

Breakfast WIN

Brother Number One took up the Atkins thing last week, so I cooked up a badass full-on (nearly) non-carb breakfast.

Cheesy Egg Mess
Three eggs
Splash of Heavy Whipping Cream (unwhipped)
Shredded Mexican four-cheese blend
Extra pepperjack cheese
Cayenne pepper
Topped with avocado and chunky salsa

Fat mild Italian sausages

Coffee, with naturally carb-free Heavy Whipping Cream (unwhipped), Splenda, served in a perfectly weighted small brown coffee mug with matching saucer

 Tiny kitchen + lots of cooking = a wee of a time (!)

Mug!