yellow teapot press: Spring Cleaning

The weather the past few weeks has been completely idyllic. It's kind of unbelievable for May around here. It won't last, because it never does, but MAN has this Spring been fun so far.

Last weekend the Boy and I had a "beach" day in the park. Meaning, we went to the park across the street, bared our pasty white Portland skin in our swimsuits, sat on a blanket, drank iced tea, read books, and pretended we were at the beach.

I was totally convinced. The sun was warm that day, but the air was crispy and the sound of the wind blowing through the tall trees sounded exactly like a roaring ocean. Didn't need you anyway, Oregon coast . . .

This morning I got up and kept trying to talk myself into going outside and doing things in other places, but I actually felt like being at home. I actually felt prepared to tackle everything I haven't been doing -- but have needed to do -- for months. You know the stuff: sorting mail, doing dishes, shredding stuff, cleaning the floors, sorting throwaway clothing into "Goodwill" and "try to sell to snobs at Buffalo," cleaning the mold out of the shower, blah blah blah . . .

With each to-do I completed, I felt lighter and more at ease. I had this huge round chair that nobody sat in that took up a lot of space in this little apartment. It just collected piles of clothing and pillows. I was finally like "You know what? I am so done with this stupid chair" and I made a sign that said "FREE! In good shape, needs love <3" and put it on the sidewalk. It was gone within a few hours, and I feel SO MUCH BETTER ABOUT LIFE. It's weird -- getting rid of things that I no longer use actually makes me feel different physically. Like I can breathe again.

I started cleaning stuff out because the Boy is [kind of] [technically] moving in. We started looking for a new place months ago, but his lease wasn't up until the end of May. The plan has been if we couldn't find a place by the time his lease was up, then he'd just move in here and we'd work it out. He basically lives here anyway, so it won't be much different. But it means getting rid of stuff I don't need anymore, because apparently I'm really good at keeping, collecting, and stashing anything and everything. It's not as bad as those weirdos on that hoarders show, but I certainly get stuck in the "but what if I need it later?" thought spiral. This is the problem: if I keep something because I might need it later, then I will never need it later. If I get rid of something because I know I will never need it later, then I most certainly do need it later and it MAKES ME SO PISSED. Do you see how this can be a problem? Time and time again it proves to be true.

Stupid universe.

Speaking of apartment hunting, have I told you it is turning into my worst nightmare? I've been actively looking for a place since January -- literally, since January. We've looked at two places, the only ones that were even remotely worthwhile and proved to not be scams. We didn't get one of them, didn't apply for the other because it was kind of atrocious, and turned down an offer from my boss who rents a property because it's just way out of our price range. I don't remember finding housing being this difficult. Like, ever.

Am I being too picky? I hope not. This is the way I see it: I'm not going to move unless a lot of things are better than our current situation, ie: closer to jobs, more square footage, at least a little bit cute and/or funky, some decent light, a normal sized kitchen. It will be a waste of time and money to move just because, to soon realize our situation is not much better than before.

So if you know of anyone who has a place, is leaving a place, knows somebody who knows somebody who has a place, or even someone who has a large garage or perhaps an unusually luxurious cardboard box, let me know.

All of this means I need to make some amount of peace with my current apartment. I have spent a lot of time being mad at her, but overall she's been good to me. I can't deny that. So I must figure out a way to make it work for the time being.

That's what today was about.

And *this* sweet little setup lit my freakin' fire -- I find I don't usually like having my own paintings hanging up in my house, but when I did this I just about crapped.

Not only does it make the room look waaaay bigger (how?!) but these paintings make me SO FREAKIN' HAPPY. The photos really don't do them justice, especially the one of Lo, but hanging them up like this sparked something inside me and I just feel delirious with excitement. It's probably in part due to this vein of work I'm in right now. These paintings express something I have been trying to express for years, and have never been able to. I don't know what's different. I don't know what shifted. But something was ready to start producing paintings with this feel and I'm stoked.

I've also been daydreaming about having a place with a room to call my studio, instead of a corner.

Me: I'm going to rearrange the apartment and turn half of it into my studio. Okay?

Will: Awesome!

(I love that goofy bitch.)

I'm thinking, Why not? Why not turn my whole dumb apartment into a big fantastic art-making lair? Didn't do it yet today, but . . . . . . . . . . it's on my pre-To-Do To-Do.

Puttering around in my apartment today was exactly what I needed. I feel more quiet today, and in cleaning and rearranging I did end up finding some peace with the place. A few minor tweaks made a world of difference, and I soaked up the light and patterns and colors I'd stopped seeing after a while.