My Friday nights have turned into a special thing. I usually have a chiropractic adjustment and massage right after work, so I come home feeling like I’m on a cloud and the house is usually empty. Just me, alone with my kitchen and lots of random ingredients, pondering life and things and stuff and why things are the way they are. I started making really delicious salads and I’ve gotten so good at them my boyfriend said, “You make salads that I just want to keep eating. Like, I’m not just eating it quickly to get to the good stuff.” The process is really the best part, and I always end up having a blast of a time, more than one would expect from dinking around in the refrigerator and eating something haphazard and accidental. I feel refreshed and a little bit drunk so cleansed when I’m done and stuffed with ruffage. Like that dazed feeling you get when you step out of a movie theater on a bright day. So, this is my Introductory Guide to Salad Meditation.
Start with a clean kitchen
Take everything you might consider putting into a salad out of the fridge and put it on the counter, including some manner of greenery (butter lettuce is divine)
Survey inventory
Have a big cutting board and big knife ready; set aside
Open a bottle of wine, pour a glass, and commence sipping (tonight, we have a lovely 2007 White Merlot)
Ponder what you’d like to include in your salad adventure. Things to consider or you might already have:
- carrot
- corn
- avocado
- pea
- cucumber
- cheese
- stinky cheese
- garbanzo bean
- black bean
- pinto bean
- chicken
- shrimp
- sausage
- bacon
- pepperoncini
- onion
- pear
- apple
- salami
- tomato
- walnut
- cranberry
- asparagus
- cooked egg
- magic
- orange
- pickle
The more things you put into a salad, the tastier it is.
Begin washing and peeling vegetables and chopping into desired shapes
Stop every so often to take a nibble and observe how it interacts with a sip of your preferred alcoholic beverage
Repeat as necessary
Begin adding vegetables and other items to a big bowl filled with lettuce until everything is in
Sit back for a minute, have another sip, and admire your handiwork
Now, make a dressing from scratch. I discovered recently I much prefer an easy scratch dressing to anything bottled or jarred. I like light dressings that do not interfere with the taste of the vegetables. This one is my favorite:
- hefty splash olive oil
- small splash cider vinegar
- big dollop mayonnaise
- big dash garlic powder
- lots of dill weed
- small sprinkle salt
- small sprinkle rosemary
- lots of fresh-cracked pepper
- splash of pickle juice (if you’re feeling frisky)
- mix passionately
- pour over salad and toss
Improvise dressing as necessary. Other ingredients to consider:
- sour cream
- lemon juice
- lime juice
- mustard
- barbecue sauce
- honey
- white vinegar
- tarragon
- soy sauce
- sesame oil
Eat the salad.
Drink the wine.
Think about why you like your house, spouse, dog, whatever. Read something, write something, doodle or sing or talk to yourself. Revel in this nice moment.
Continue eating and meditating as long as you like.
The end.
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