What. Ever.

Today is just not happening.

I can’t believe I bruised the top of my foot with a frozen sausage.  A frozen sausage!

He went rogue and leapt out of the baggie, slippery bugger, and assaulted the bony part of my rather delicate paw.  Hurts like a sonofabitch.  He eventually landed on the floor and I didn’t even bother to wash him off before popping him in the wave. 

That’ll teach him.

I am convinced weirdness occurs in waves.  Or clusters.  Or bunches.  Or some sort of categorizable grouping.

Yesterday a woman seated in front of me on the bus felt compelled to discuss the activities of her life at full volume, directed at nobody, voiced with terrible importance.  Then she stopped suddenly and turned around one-hundred-eighty degrees to look me in the face, wild and wide-eyed, as if I might have a reply. 

Perhaps she was talking to me. 

I met her gaze with stony calm, what I thought was a pretty direct “What?” or “No thanks I’m not interested” or perhaps “I’m not in the mood” because I really was not in the mood.  Plus, she had not asked a question for which there should be a reply. I felt partly at a loss and partly annoyed by her interrogatory manner.  And partly I’m starving get me home now before these raw eggs make their way into my gullet.

She held my gaze for a moment, looking into what felt like the deepest extent of my soul, then quickly turned around and continued hollering about Scorpios and their cutoff date and why the weather is doing what it’s doing.

I shifted in my seat, strangely uncomfortable, and focused my attention on a baby munching happily on a tulip her mom had picked for her.

Get me out of here.  PleaseandThankYou.